Training Camp

When Coach Fedora first asked me to go camping with him, I was hesitant. “You know I would love to Coach, but I actually already have some things planned for those three weeks.” But as you might have expected, that didn’t slow him down. “Caleb, you know we won’t be able to find anyone who can roast a mallow to golden brown like you can,” he insisted. “Just come on out. It will be a blast.”

This guy sure can recruit.

After I hung up the phone, I immediately began to cancel my motorcycle rally reservations. I then tried to convince Time Warner to at least think about a refund for the WWE Summer Slam that I purchased. I didn’t need it anymore. I was going camping.

Now that the time has officially come for Fall Training Camp 2012, to say that I am excited would be an understatement. I saved up my tip money from two weeks work at Xquisite just to buy a used tent on eBay.  The product description said that the tent has pronounced stains, and a distinct odor from its stint at the ’08 Bonnaroo Music Festival. However, the guy had a 99.8% Seller Rating so I wasn’t going to doubt the quality of his merchandise. On top of that, I also got a sweet new eco-friendly flashlight from Earth Fare for all the gruesome ghost stories I am going to tell at campfires. I think it is pretty obvious that I am ready for whatever challenge this camping trip may bring.

This tent makes me a happy camper.

Honestly, I don’t know if I have ever been this focused. It is almost like I have been preparing for these 17 days for the last four years of my life. I have prepared my mind, body, and soul to perform at the highest level. Dreaming that one day I might achieve the ultimate athletic accomplishment. Hoping my deep-seeded admiration and love for this country would create such a scorching passion in my loins that I would become impossible to defeat. Yearning to stand in front of my peers as a victor, and be given the ultimate prize—the gold

en brown marshmallow that is hot enough to melt the chocolate, but cool enough not to taste like the steak Osama Bin Laden put on the grill five minutes before the Navy Seals showed up.

Anyways, all signs point to training camp being just a dandy few weeks. However, I realize that happiness is fleeting, and that there will be times in the approaching days when my teammates, friends of Crib Calls, Twitter followers, real-life friends, MySpace Top 8, coaches, parents, UNC faculty, and My Circle at Alltel Wireless will need a pick-me-up. With this in mind, I am entering training camp with a plan. In addition to the sick flow I am already growing, I am going to grow a camp beard.  Eerily similar to a playoff beard, I will be growing an assemblage of facial hair that I will refuse to alter in any way for an extended period of time. I will do this in the name of brotherhood with my team, and beating Elon on September 1. As I have always said, “When times get tough, nothing fosters morale like a grossly unkempt fashion statement on the southern portion of your face.” You can quote me on that. But off the record. Like you can use the quote, but just attribute it to an anonymous source.

As you might have suspected, due to the nature of fall camp, I will not be able to post anything on here until camp concludes in three weeks or so. But as you probably never have suspected, once camp is over and the season is underway, you can expect me to post weekly. I just hope I can live up to your expectations.

Until next time,

C

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