A Summer Update

The champ is back.

To back.

Champ.

That, my friends, is a what you call a stretch. But I made it work. Anyways, I’m back, and so is my title belt. In case you missed it, Buddy and I defeated Tre Boston in what has been dubbed as “the scooter race of the century” by no magazines. The way I dropped the hammer and passed the checkered tickled the hearts of pit lizards everywhere. Or to put it in layman’s terms, I won a close and hard fought victory. Ah, who am I kidding? If our race was the Daytona 500, I would have lapped Tre twice. But it’s okay, he was a good sport; and after all, that is all that really matters…. Right?

Believe it or not, this summer is already starting to come to an end. Oh? You don’t believe it? July 4th actually just marks the middle of summer for you? Well unfortunately for me, I only have three weeks left before summer turns into fall training camp. So basically what I am saying is you can take your non-football playing summers and put them on the back of a motorcycle with Bobby Petrino.

My summer has flown by, mainly because they keep us so busy. In the time I’m not taking names and kicking taking notes and acing tests, I am chiseling my bi’s and tri’s with our new strength coach, Lou Hernandez. He goes by many names around the football building—Big Lou, Lou90-X, Lou-cifer—but I like to stick with “Coach Lou” on the account of he is jacked and he also has control over my life. For a person who makes me do things that make me want to cry, I actually like him a lot. He is a class-act guy; he just enjoys watching people vomit a little more than the average person. I have seen a lot of improvement in our team this summer, and any strength coach who can do that for you is hard not to believe in.

JACKED!!

Even with Coach Lou’s strength training prowess, towards the beginning of the summer I thought I would need to take some type of hardcore supplement in order to turn my body into one similar to the great quarterbacks in the game today. However, due to strict NCAA rules and regulations, this turned out to be much more difficult than I expected. After a summer of trial and error, I came to a pretty concrete rule pertaining to banned substances that I would like to share with all of my fellow Crib Caller’s:

IF THE SUPPLEMENT HAS MORE THAN ONE ADJECTIVE IN THE TITLE AND/OR IS PACKAGED LIKE A BOMB, IT IS PROBABLY ILLEGAL.

 

I am glad I got to share that with you. In my opinion, this website is superfluous if I cannot make the world a better place.

So I know what you all are saying, “Caleb, if that is the case then your site is about as superfluous as it gets.” Well let me tell you, that is about to change. I have something in the works that, in the coming weeks/years, will rock your little condescending worlds. (That was for everyone who was actually saying the thing that I said I knew what you were saying.) Speaking of the future of this site, there is something coming your way in the more immediate future that you should be excited about. In one of my earlier posts I promised that I would have entertaining guest-posters from time to time to keep things interesting. And I think it is very clear that I am a man of my word. At about 7:30 tomorrow night, Sunday July 8th, I will bring to you the first installment of this guest commentary which I will eventually come up with a more fun/elaborate name for. I am not going to reveal who the guest is today, but you should know this post will be the first thing that he/she has written since they entered college, so be easy on ‘em.

Until next time,

P

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