Back from the Dead
I have noticed that even though I have not posted in a long time, this site is getting more and more views every day. Therefore, I have concluded that faking my own death in order to skyrocket it into fame was successful. I knew going into it that counterfeiting a death would be risky business, but I also knew that the only way for an artist to have their work appreciated is for them to be dead. With this in mind, I staged a head-on collision that resulted in a four-car pile up along the side of I-40. When the paramedics arrived on the scene I held my breath and did my best impression of Franklin Street on February 8th. Most people’s possum routine probably would not be enough to trick an educated and experienced paramedic; however, after years of faking deaths, injuries, and illnesses I consider myself a professional. Forty-eight hours later I picked up my Death Certificate; and according to plan, every since then Crib Calls has garnered a Lebron James+Tim Tebow amount of attention. Actually, it has finally got to the point where I felt like it was time to make my return.
But unlike Jesus of Nazareth, I have not come back from the dead to atone man’s sin. As a matter of fact, I am just coming back to take advantage of the popularity this site has gained while I was gone. For all of you who just figured this whole time I was creating my next post with such diligence that it was taking a Detox-like amount of time to produce, I am deeply sorry. I actually was not working on it at all. I actually am just writing this in one sitting. I actually am just dictating it to someone else and they are typing it for me. I actually just letting someone else write it.
Anyways, I do have some interesting news to tell y’all about. After his complete obliteration of Kanler Coker’s bicycle-like scooter, Buddy Blackjack is scheduled to take on a new opponent later this week. The challenger is Tre Boston, and his scooter “Gator.” I would love to say that Tre is going to be a formidable opponent, and that I respect his scooter hustle; but I can’t. The race will undoubtedly result in an absolute thrashing of Tre’s ego, courage, and self-respect. However, when someone challenges me and my best friend Buddy Blackjack, I feel it is my moral duty to take them behind the figurative woodshed, video tape it, and put it on the world wide web for all to see. And that is exactly what I plan on doing.
For all of the dedicated Buddy fans out there, here is a preview of what he is about to face later this week.
Until next time,
P.S. No, that was not a mistake. From now on I am only signing as “P” because I figured out how much more awesome that is than signing as “Caleb Pressley.” I think that my new sig will give this site a more James Bond-type feel. And that is precisely what I am going for.