A Thirsty Draft Weekend

It is draft weekend in the NFL; and among the fans, friends, and families that are excited to be a part of the draft magic, there is one college coed in particular who is more captivated by this surreal moment than anyone else. She is so entranced because she knows the player that was just announced. Not like knows-of-him. She knows him. He borrowed a sheet of white loose-leaf paper from her in her entry-level mathematics class a few years back. Sure, he was the junior who didn’t wear a book bag amidst a class of eager freshman, but it didn’t matter. She was still there for him when it counted. When it was time to work on the linear equations practice set and the professor asked him if he even had any paper out, she was there. His paper might not have been; but she was. Since that day, they had casually acknowledged each other in passing. Sometimes she felt recognized, other times not as much. But she knew that he remembered. He had to of. And today she watched as Roger Goodell himself called his name. And she knows this guy. I mean they are practically dating, and via live Internet stream, she witnessed his transformation over into a life of lavish luxury—where comfort is routine and extravagance is expected. She can’t help but dream of being the woman at his side when he buys the bar at the Las Vegas nightclub, and the woman collecting the ones when he makes it rain later that night. Okay so maybe not so much the second one. But it doesn’t even matter; the limitless credit on her black card would be enough to buy more Prada than even the devil himself. Her life would be perfect. Her and her man. She wakes up from her daydream to see the draft has continued as a has-been NFL star makes the guest announcement of his former team’s pick. She just shakes her head.

This experience is shared by girls across the country who become temporarily transfixed by the magic of draft weekend. In the football world, we call this “the thirst.” And believe me when I say the thirst is real. Well as the third-string quarterback, I technically cannot tell you from firsthand experience; but I have an ample amount of secondhand experience. I have heard plenty of stories from the stars on our team, who I live through vicariously. So you can almost really trust me when I say its real. Luckily for all you girls out there, this post is actually my effort to help you quench your thirst. And just like Sprite, I will use that as my slogan to keep you interested; but similar to the saliva-thickening glucose in Sprite’s sugar, I will ultimately just make you thirstier than you originally were. These are my thoughts on the guys from UNC that were drafted.

QUINTON COPLES

Coples is a great guy. I am not going to act like I know him extremely well, because I don’t. (You would think otherwise judging by how close we look in the picture below.) But here are some things that I do know.

-He is very big

-His brands are very big

-He is very athletic

-He is very big

-I am glad he left because now I am the strongest guy in the program

Congratulations to Coples for representing the Tar Heels well as a first round selection. He went to the Jets, which is also now home to my favorite athlete of all time—Timothy Tebow. However, that is another topic for another day.

I am in this picture. I promise.

ZACH BROWN

Zach went in the second round to the Tennessee Titans. I am confident that ESPN bashed him harder than any player in the draft when he got picked. Former teammate and current life coach Nelson Hurst put it best in his tweet, “Don’t understand why these announcers bash cope and zb. They’re like 2 of the best players ever. They told me so!” Obviously, Mel Kiper Jr. doesn’t know what he is talking about. For someone so overly concerned with physical attributes, I am surprised he did not predict Zach to go in the first-round because this dude is an athletic specimen. The knock on him is that he still has some work to do as far as honing his skill set. I did my best to help him out this past season. As the scout team quarterback, I tried to throw him at least two interceptions per practice. The coaches probably just thought I sucked, but I was just trying to help my man succeed. Big team. Little Caleb.

I will leave you with a video. I realize that everyone has different learning styles, and some people are just not readers. If this is the case for you, I have absolutely no idea why you are on a blog site. Nonetheless, I deeply appreciate your patronage and have linked a video so you can see the torments girls were going through this weekend.

Until next time,

Caleb Pressley

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